Strangely enough, those Monopoly feelings surfaced in relationship to parenting today. My thoughts mirrored the ones I felt on hot summer afternoons at age ten after too many hours of board games. I wasted my time, I hate this game, I did it all wrong and I wish I could have done better. I could have done better! Except I never do. In Monopoly, I never got it. Now my kids are halfway grown up and I'm spinning my wheels, never getting better at the parenting thing. I should have invested more time or figured out how to be a great mom before it got away from me. Is it too late? Could I still choose one of those Chance cards and be granted a second shot at it? I would show more love, have more patience, feed them better food, do their hair with ribbons and straight parts more often, teach them to love reading like I do. You know...be a safe haven as a mom, a person who shelters them from the storms and is always there to give them a cookie and a hug. I'm afraid I'm more apt to give them a glass of water and a dismissal. As Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."
Monopoly doesn't matter. I never have to be a winner at that. But this matters, and I want to call do-overs. I want to have hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk.
7 comments:
I really get how you feel. I feel like time is rushing through my fingers like sand and I can't stop it! It is so frustrating to find that balance of love and discipline; independence and sheltering; and laundry/house work and spending time with the kids making memories and building a great relationship. I believe that is why it is soooo exhausting in all aspects of one's being, to be a mother. I call do over's also. BUT - If you are feeling doubtful of your amazing mothering skills - than I have definately failed. You already own Park Place!!!!
J. Call
Oh, Circe, I'm so sad you feel this way. Sad, because I understand, and sad, because you need to know how great you are. I sometimes wish for a do-over too, but then I remember that all the less desirable experiences of the past melded into my (hopefully) wiser perspective of today. Would my do-over be the old me or the new me? Besides I'm too tired to think of doing it again! So parenting's hard, and that's before we throw another thing into the mix: our children's agency. Aaargh!
When things are rough my do-overs are a resetting of my attitude, and a commitment to keep going, and try to be like you.
I could use a do over today. I lost my patience...all i wanted was a quick nap and instead things unraveled!
I remember you being good at Monopoly! I had no idea you were so frustrated. Your doing much better than you think at motherhood, probably just experiencing one of those moments of frustration, it happens to ALL of us!
I think you are a much better "Monopoly" player than you are giving yourself credit for. Your kids are accomplished, confident, kind & happy... Game well played!
I think it unanimous-we all think you are great! I am pretty sure your kids would say the same. I hate those hard days, I think you are a supreme monopoly player too. I want to be like you when I grow up!
I agree with them. If the winner ends up with happy and well adjusted children you are doing it! I love the honesty in your posts. I never realized how much children can push us over the edge and challenge every ounce of confidence we have.
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