The mountains have been so vibrant this summer. The crickets have been exceptionally dramatic and the sky has been an ever-changing canvas of colors. The air has been warm and deliciously balmy against my skin. I know this, but I can't feel it. There is some kind of a disconnect between me and the beauty that surrounds me. I see it, but I can't get it into my head or my lungs. When I look west over a misty sunset layered with impossible hues, I inhale the sweet evening air, turn my face to the clear sky and...nothing. My heart doesn't swell, and it's supposed to swell. I am grateful for the rocky mountain view that looms as I drive around town, but I am no longer edified by it. I can't get enough inspiration into my soul to make me feel rejuvenated. I dive into the pool, my senses engulfed by the fresh, chlorinated water, my head tingly with the refreshing cold, and I want to feel a surge of promise and adrenaline, a joie de vivre, but my face feels just fine in its expressionless state. And besides, smiling would be such work. I know it's my favorite season and I know I love it, but I can't remember how I decided that. I'm frustrated at not being able to embrace the bounty of sunny days and fresh produce and cricket-filled evenings and pool days. I love all this stuff, I know I do. So why don't I love all this stuff? I need my mojo back.
After an all-too-brief night's sleep last night, punctuated by puppy barks and baby cries, I woke up at 5:00, and...surprise! My mojo was back! Really, just like that. I swear, it's been missing for most of the summer. Now I'm thanking my lucky stars that I feel energized, right in time to start school with a vengeance. My happiness was further inflated by a dozen doughnuts, courtesy of Jennie, who must have known that my mental tires have all been flat! Thank you! I took advantage of having all my energy back (maybe it was the sugar high? I TRIED to share the doughnuts, I really did...) by doing a zen project: One hundred beautiful Ghirardelli chocolates wrapped in music and tied with ribbon. Something about the music manuscript made me happy all day. I think ripping up viola music was therapeutic. Anyway, the chocolates turned out cute for the wedding shower of a talented pianist and good neighborhood friend.
I wish I knew the recipe for feeling good all the time, but I think you have to learn to take the bad with the good. Now, let the good times roll...
5 comments:
I'm so glad you like the doughnuts! It was the least I could do after you saved us today. (Don't worry about the concert. Don't tell Scott, but I think I only knew 2 songs. :) ) I'm also glad you are feeling energetic. But... if this was you without energy this summer, I would like to see you totally present because girl.... no one even knew. You are always right there in the game and leading the charge on to the next activity. If only I could be you without your mojo. I would get so much more done. :) If I had your mojo, people might think of me as certifiable.
Glad your mojo is back and that life is good! Sometimes it's nice to step back just to appreciate everything we have:) Where do you put one dozen doughnuts? You are so slim.
AS the poet Tootie once said:
You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.
I was all set to leave something profound, but I think I snorted out all sense when I read Trajan's comment. Still giggling.
I'm glad you're feel better. And I second Jennie -- this summer was you WITHOUT energy? Holy cow.
I loved your brother's comment too! So glad your mojo is back and I still say we are suffering from lack of lunches or maybe that is just me.
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