Green Day

Shamrock socks for good luck!

I'll tell you my problem with St. Patrick's Day. Problems; there are two. One: When I was four, my mom took me to visit my grandparents' candle factory on St. Patrick's Day. I was wearing an adorable green calico dress with a skirt that flared out to square-dancing proportions. One of the ladies that worked in the office pinched me. I pointed out in my tiny, shy voice that my dress was green. She said tauntingly, "No it's not! It's purple." Ha ha ha. Aren't grown-ups funny? She repeated her cruel joke over and over until I stared to wonder if she was mentally ill or extremely sadistic. I swear, it I saw her today I'd punch her in the throat. That's how mad I am. That dress was adorable and it was GREEN!!!

Then, in fourth grade, my teacher had an art contest for a March calendar cover. I had an incredibly darling idea of drawing a leprechaun flying a kite. I worked on it night and day and I didn't win. The rest of the school year was miserable. It was probably after that when I put soap in my friend's lip gloss.

To this day, I can't get over the feeling that we're all celebrating St. Patrick's Day because it's March and there's nothing better to do. We're not Catholic. We're not Irish. I can't even listen to Celtic music without having the urge to throw myself into oncoming traffic.  I can enjoy listening to a jig for about three seconds before starting to feel blindingly violent.  And do you know anyone who would willingly and knowingly decorate with Kelly Green if it wasn't St. Patrick's Day-mandated?  It's the rainbow's ugliest color.

And to add to my negative feelings about this holiday is the trend of leprechauns making messes in our homes.  Needless to say, we were not visited by leprechauns at all last night.  If it weren't for the evil secretary at the Candle Kitchen, I might be enjoying all the festivities.  Geez, childhood traumas die hard!  Ruby must be more durable than I am...THIS trauma hasn't seemed to ruin her at all.  It's my favorite story of all time, too.  Happy St. Patrick's Day.  :)